Ren's Anatomically Correct Doll
by Daamile
Summary: On an ordinary late night at the LME Love Me Room, Ren, Yashiro, and Kanae discover how far Kyoko would go in the name of perfectly anatomical art. No M stuff, just humor.


**So actually, what you are about to read was a cowriting experience. The incredible jsmmmn shot this fanfic idea into our discord, and me, Kikoune03, unicornforcewinds, mueinvictus, and SilkHandkerchief** **, gave crazy suggestions of how it could turn out. My job was to weave this perfect chat into a cohesive story. And as always, thank you Unicorn and Teal for being my incredible betas. Without further ado, I leave you with the anatomically correct doll story.**

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Hentai was never Ren's thing. The fact that most of the genre consisted of some pixelated girls covered in slime being attacked by octopus parts didn't get him going. In fact, all those 'unfortunate coincidences' that made someone fall and touch by mistake an intimate part of the anatomy of another person didn't happen in real life. At least in his experience. Besides, no one really has pink hair or a melon like chest under a stringy tank top. It was all too… unrealistic. Well, he had believed it to be true, until today that is. It was late at LME, but the lights of the Love Me Room were still on. Ren had finished early for the day and intended to ask if Kyoko needed a ride, but when Yashiro helped him force open the door after they heard strange noises coming from inside as their knocking was unanswered, he began to understand exactly where all those mangakas got their ideas.

Love Me members Mogami Kyoko and Kotonami Kanae were alone in the room and in a very... intimate position - to put it respectfully. Kyoko had her friend pinned to a wall, locked in place with an elbow press and a bent knee; her hands busy groping Kanae under a denim jacket. Love Me Number One was possessed by a fierce concentration. Kanae, on the other hand, was practically falling on the floor. Their relative positions told a story of faulty reasoning and failed escapes. Kotonami-san, of course, looked furious.

Ren blinked and thought, "Aaaah, so... that's what a live action hentai would look like," and blinked some more.

"Mo, get off me! My skin is sensitive there!" She exclaimed, trying to fight Kyoko off and regain her balance at the same time.

"But I just need a quick look, it won't take long." Kyoko murmured under her breath, while her hands thoroughly explored her objective. Her eyes were determined and her concentration unbreakable.

"CAN'T YOU JUST GUESSTIMATE?" Kanae's patience finally snapped, and she finally managed to close her jacket.

Ren blinked. It was all he could do.

"G-girls...!?" Yashiro gasped beside him. "I-I'm so, so, so, sorry to interrupt, but we, we are going to give you some... privacy," he stammered, before hastily retreating through the open door.

Kyoko jumped at his voice and looked at them startled, like someone coming out of a trance. Kanae, on the other hand, effectively used the distraction to fall to the floor and roll swiftly out of Kyoko's reach.

"No! I'm going with you!" Kanae jumped to her feet, and practically ran to Yashiro's side "She can have all the privacy she needs, I'm done here."

Kyoko rushed after her, face flushing brilliantly.

"Please don't go Moko-san! See, I told you it would be quick. I'm already finished!" Kyoko abandoned her pursuit at the door and bowed low. "Yashiro-san, Tsuruga-san, I'm so sorry! This was a misunderstanding. I was just measuring her more difficult parts! Parts that I can't see normally!"

Ren finally found the strength to say something. "Her teeth?"

"No..." Kyoko said to the floor.

"Her skull, then? Sure looks like she has a hard..." Ren continued, looking a Kanae.

"NO! Look, it was her breasts, okay?" Kyoko straightened out, hands fisted, face resolute. "I needed her bra size. It was an innocent act in the name of anatomically perfect art!"

A short silence once again fell between them.

"Actually, this explains even less," Ren observed, mostly to himself.

"Dolls! Voodoo dolls. I need to know her measurements, so I can sew... Ah, actually! Let me write it down, so I don't forget," Kyoko hurried to her locker and grabbed her Love Me book and a pen, pulling the cap off with her teeth."Moko-san. 28... C cup... Lighter circles… Ok, it's recorded."

All color drained from Yashiro's face.

"We really should get going, and leave you to your... art," He murmured, watching as a fearful Kanae walked backward until she was behind them, and as far from Kyoko as possible.

"No, really, I really need this to make a perfect doll. Look, I have one here, I can show you." Kyoko brightened, hurrying to her locker. "I have a Tsuruga-san doll in here."

Dolls, creepy looking dolls. Tsuruga Ren, who was enjoying the free entertainment and was curious to see the situation unfolding up to now, was jolted from his unresponsive state. Kyoko wanted to show them the uncanny voodoo dolls, and worse, it had to be one with his face. If he could avoid seeing them ever again, he would.

"Mogami-san," He walked to her smiling, trying to persuade her with his best buttery smooth voice "Those are such... precious, such delicate works of art. You don't want to risk damaging them just to prove a perfectly reasonable point about art."

"Nonsense, this is for Maria's Contemporary LME Acting Set, so they are completely malleable."

"Maria's what?" Ren asked, but it was already too late.

Kyoko pulled an eerily lifelike replica of him from the locker.

"It's our summer project! We're creating a line of dolls with the most popular ranked individuals from the LME action division. Although Kotonami-san's model was included because of personal preference, naturally yours was required to be present in this enterprise, Tsuruga-san. Thanks to my new technology of 360-degree joints, all dolls are completely malleable, able to pose in 24 different standing stances, and 13 different seated poses, and naturally, 4 different sleeping positions. All the models have something original from the actor, and all fabrics are as close to life as possible. No animals were harmed since the hairs were provided by LME's Natural Hair Wig Association, and were individually placed using a tool of my own design ..." Koyko kept rambling in her elevator pitch, while he, Kanae, and Yashiro half listened, bending forward to inspect his miniature counterpart.

Curiously, the smaller version was wearing the same two-piece suit and shirt as the real one, absolutely perfect right down to the color. Like him, its hair was parted impeccably to the side, face smiling pleasantly. It even smelled like his cologne. Uncanny did not come close to describing this piece of... _art._

When Ren moved to barely avoid one of Kyoko's wildly waving hands, he spotted a devious grin on the face of his manager. Apparently, something had piqued Yashiro's interest, and that was never a good thing. Nothing involving these dolls could ever be a good idea.

"Kyoko-san, I'm curious. What do you do when you can't get people's intimate measurements?" Yashiro straightened up, adjusting his glasses. "Like, if you couldn't get Kotonami-san's numbers today, what would you have done?"

Ren quickly grabbed the doll from Kyoko's hands and held it above everyone's reach. "Yukihito-san, stop this."

"I beg your pardon, stop what?" Yashiro looked at him, speaking in the least respectful tone possible "Tsuruga-san, you are the most experienced between us all. Surely, looking into matters of anatomical art would be no problem to a veteran actor like you..."

"That's actually a great question."

Ren was prepared to offer a perfectly reasonable reply but was surprised by the sudden loss of weight in his hands. He'd been ready to defend the doll against Yashiro's forward attacks, but from behind him, Kanae had the perfect angle to pull it from his grasp before he realized what was happening. He turned to her, startled.

"Since you are sewing one of me, I want to know the answer," Kanae explained, and to his horror, started to unfasten the doll's belt.

"NO!" A moment of sheer panic shot through Ren and he rushed forward. She could not pull those tiny pants down. Acting or not, Kyoko saw him naked in the shower as Cain Heel. She knew his measurements already. How could he possibly explain the perfect accuracy of the doll's… intimate part?

Of course, Kanae ignored his warning completely. In one fell swoop, she quickly and unceremoniously pulled down the doll's pants and underwear.

He was prepared to deny. He was prepared to lie. He was prepared to manipulate if necessary, but he could never be prepared for this.

Yashiro Yukihito, Kotonami Kanae, and Tsuruga Ren all stared at a big, yellow circle, that covered the doll's entire pelvic region. Its surface curved up slightly and was punctuated with black and red, that formed a mouth with its tongue sticking out. Added on separately, higher up, were two white circles, each with a smaller, black circle inside, that formed two big, staring eyes. It was a sticker. A dopey, smiling, face sticker.

Yashiro ever so slowly, ever so carefully, reached out to touch the doll.

And the thing looked back at him.

It had googly eyes.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I know it is flawed. The belt is not real leather." Kyoko's perfectionism broke the silence.

"That's hardly the point." Ren pitched his voice louder, hoping to cover the roaring laughter erupting from Yashiro.

"I feel violated," Kanae interrupted, over the shrieks of laughter. "Don't ever show my doll to anyone."

"I don't understand, Mogami-san," Ren moved closer to her to avoid stepping on Yashiro, who had fallen to the floor, holding his sides while he gasped for air, "You always strive for utmost accuracy, but no male human... has two faces like this."

"Well, I wouldn't know, because I never looked," Kyoko blushed.

"That's not possible." Ren's pride declared before his mind could rein in his mouth. He knew she didn't see him as a man, but this was too far of a stretch. "How could you never have seen… a man's private parts before?"

"Well, that would not be very ladylike of me now, would it?" Kyoko perked up and her face flushed scarlet, scandalized by even the audacity of the idea.

"But I'm sure you must have seen... a man without clothes on when you were young." Ren walked toward her, inventing a cover story. "Maybe your father, some friend, or… didn't you work at an inn? Have you never, let's say, walked into a room by mistake, where a guest was taking a shower to bring him a message and saw his… distinctive male organs?

Kyoko was already pink, but her entire body flushed crimson. "NO!"

"No?" Ren repeated.

"I never looked down," Kyoko whispered, her eyes boring holes into the floor.

"Oh," Ren managed.

Another awkward silence fell. Yashiro stepped up from the floor, smoothing the wrinkles out of his pants, and said, "That was an awfully specific example, Ren."

"What is this? Are we having a party and no one invited me?" Came a booming voice from the corridor, followed by a short pause for dramatic effect, after which Lory theatrically entered the Love Me Room.

The president was in complete ballet motif. His wore a black and gold shirt with puffed sleeves, contrasting with his naked chest that peeked out from a deep cleavage. Every contour of his muscular legs was on full display in the white leggings, and his feet were covered by simple, black slippers. No one looked twice at him.

"No party. We were just analyzing Kyoko's incredible doll making skills, see? Anatomically perfect. She totally doesn't have one of me. Please don't ask." Kanae rattled off out quickly as she dropped the doll into the president's hands.

"Oh! This is one of those dolls Maria is so crazy about." Lory remarked, petting his mustache and lifting Ren's doll "but I must say, it never really occurred to me to look inside the pants. Fascinating."

Lory shook the doll, peering intently at its second face.

"Could you stop doing that? It's insulting." Ren protested, crossing his arms.

"Is it now?" Lory asked, looking at him earnestly, despite still playing with the doll.

"Of course," Ren assured.

"Don't be like that, it's just a doll," Lory said as he smiled softly. "Does the great Tsuruga Ren's pride demand a lifelike version of his true self?"

"Yes. Indeed. Indeed it does." Ren asserted, a brilliant idea occurring to him. "This is not for my pride, but for Mogami-san's sake. Magami-san, you are in the acting business, a ruthless business. You will have to be prepared for everything, and being naive on this subject is a deep flaw that you must remedy. So, as a favor, and a lesson really, from your senpai, I'll show you how a man looks behind his pants."

He turned back to face a wall and prepare his lesson. Kyoko followed his hands with her eyes as saw as he reached toward his crotch.

"Show.. it?"

"I'm out. I've seen enough." Kanae reported, bolting into the corridor.

"NO!" Yashiro jumped to his side. "She is a minor Ren! You can't do this!"

All color had bled from Kyoko's, but she tightened the grip on her notepad and pen.

"Nonsense," Ren insisted, turning back to the group. "Here, I found a picture."

"DO YOU TAKE PICTURES OF IT?" Yashiro screamed, gripping Ren's shoulder. Lory just looked on silently, still petting his mustache.

"What are you talking about?" Ren frowned, handing Kyoko his phone. On the screen was an anatomical illustration of a man's genitalia. "Here, this is what it looks like."

Kyoko stared for a moment before angrily shoving the phone back in his hand." Tsuruga-san, of course I've had a sex education class before, but for my craft, knowing the general shape is not the same as viewing the original subject. It's like... here, let me explain."

She quickly looked around the room and grabbed his and the President's arm, shoving them together. "These two arms! You and the president have very different arms. One arm has a lot of hair, while the other doesn't; one is quite thick, the other slimmer; one is older and the other is younger... In principle, they perform the same function, but they have very different shapes, colors, and details."

Kyoko let go of them both, her face resolute. "I can't know all this by just looking at a two-dimensional drawing. I don't want a generalization. I'm a perfectionist. I prefer to add a sticker if I'm unsure of the subject's true form."

"Such commitment to art!" Lory slowly clapped and reached up to wipe a single tear from his eyes. "I'm moved Mogami-kun, truly moved".

"Thank you, President" She declared, chin high and proud.

"After such a speech, I can only conclude that you truly want to learn what a man's intimate part looks like in real life, don't you?" Lory asked, opening his arms wide and smiling. "I know how to help you improve your anatomically correct art."

Yashiro and Ren looked reflexively at the president's crotch. Honestly, after seeing him in those white leggings they didn't know what new information Kyoko needed. It was all there, clearly on display.

"It depends. "Kyoko stepped half a feet away. "Is this a Love Me task? Will I be obligated to do something uncomfortable?"

"Not at all, Mogami-kun. We can go to a nude life drawing lesson." Lory wrapped her shoulders in one arm and started to lead her out of the room. "I know you are mature enough to watch, and you may learn a thing or two about drawing too. I'm sure it can only help your planning stage, for the voodoo dolls..." His voice grew fainter as they walked farther into the long corridor. Soon, they could no longer distinguish Kyoko's enthusiastic replies.

"Well, that was something," Yashiro observed, sighing and leaning against the door. "I know visits to the Love Me Room are always exciting, but this one really did not disappoint."

"Not in the least," Ren agreed. He was exhausted.

"Can I still have that ride home?" Yashiro asked, looking at his phone. It was late.

"Sure, just give me a moment."

Ren fetched the discarded doll from a stool. Tsuruga Ren Doll's pants were pulled up, the sticker was covered again, and the belt fastened. Full-size Ren dropped it back into Kyoko's locker and closed the door. Better not keep this lying around. God only knows how Chiori, who was already not particularly respectful of him, would behave if she saw this anatomically incorrect doll.


End file.
